


Accidental Wingman

by courtts



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: But don't tell him that, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Series, Texting, Yurio is a big softy, Yuuri is living in Russia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9334370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courtts/pseuds/courtts
Summary: Yuri should've known asking the pig for love advice would be a horrible idea.





	

Yuri bolted out of the rink as soon as morning practice had ended, yanking off his skates and dashing to the locker room in a mad fury. He emptied the contents of his locker into his bag in one fell swoop, then threw his skates in, zipping the bag tight. He needed to leave unnoticed as soon as possible. God forbid he runs into the pig. Or even worse, Victor.

As he exited the building, he tapped the outside pocket of his bag, confirming his phone was still where he last put it. He scanned the immediate vicinity for a private spot, away from the eye of any nosy figure skaters. He settled for an alleyway directly behind the rink and ran over as quietly as his feet would let him. Once there, his eyes flitted across the alley, looking left and right, just to be sure not a soul would see him. After he knew the coast was clear, Yuri threw his bag to the ground and turned on his phone. He shielded the screen with his hands as he checked his messages.

Yuri's face lit up when he saw who the most recent one was from.

 

**[11:21] Otabek:** Just arrived.

 

Otabek had sent a picture along with his text. It was a selfie of him at the St. Petersburg airport, with the giant Aeroflot aircraft he had just exited and the city skyline in the background. He was wearing the black bomber jacket Yuri had come to love so much, an equally stylish gray scarf, and a pair of shades. Everyone made fun of Yuri when he tried to imitate his style of dress that one day, but Otabek could always pull it off flawlessly. He was just that cool.

Otabek was visiting St. Petersburg for the Rostelecom Cup. Yuri wasn't skating in the cup this year, but he planned on going anyway to watch his closest friend in action. He wanted to see how much Otabek had improved since they last saw each other at Worlds. From the videos he had sent him, it looked like he would make for some great competition in the Finals. He wanted to be on the sidelines, shouting "Davai!" at the top of lungs, to show his friend that he was his number one fan. And he never told anyone, but he also wanted to see the crushing defeat on JJ's face in person when he lost to the Hero of Kazakhstan.

Excitement was an understatement for the emotion Yuri was feeling. His fingers darted across the screen typing up a reply, a smile creeping up on his face.

**[11:26] Me:** hell yeah!! so pumped!

 

He was still smiling when he heard the voice of a certain Japanese figure skater calling out for him.

"Yurio! There you are!" Yuuri said.

Yuri's smile was quickly replaced with a scowl. Why the hell did the pig think to look for him here out of all places? He stuffed his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and looked up. Yuuri was waving back at him with a stupid grin on his face.

He gave Yuuri the meanest glare he could manage. "You stalking me or something, Pork Cutlet Bowl?"

"What? N-no!" Yuuri stammered, freezing up. He tried to quickly explain himself. "I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come to dinner with Victor and me tonight." He paused for a moment before adding, "Phichit-kun will be there, too!"

Yuri winced at that mental image. With neither Victor nor Yuuri skating in the Rostelecom Cup tomorrow, they would probably be a little more comfortable than usual at dinner. Victor would have a couple more glasses of wine than he should've had, and the pig would drink more to match Victor's pace. Victor would start shedding his clothes and get a little too handsy with Yuuri, and then the two of them would end up making complete fools out of themselves at a perfectly decent venue. Not only that, but Yuri had a good feeling the weird guy who was a little too attached to his phone would post it to Instagram, creating a social media shitstorm in a matter of minutes.

After all, he had seen this exact scenario play out before with his own two eyes. At this past year's Grand Prix Banquet, to be exact. That night was one of the biggest regrets of his life.                          

Yuri grimaced. "Gross. Count me out," he said. Unfortunately, he knew Victor was going to come after him if he caught wind that Yuri wasn't actually busy that night. So he added, "And besides, I already have plans."

"Is it Otabek?" Yuuri asked.

"Yup!" Yuri lied, mouth running on autopilot. If he had to spend the night with anyone, it would be him, no doubt. "We have the entire night already planned out. It's gonna be lit. You jealous?"

Yuuri shook his head. "Not at all. It sounds like fun!" He gave Yuri a grin. "You'll probably have a much better time with him than us, anyway," he said, giggling.

"You're damn right," Yuri replied. He felt his heart sink a little.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and turned it on, only to find that Otabek had replied back to him.

 

**[11:32] Otabek:** I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

 

Yuri frowned; the new message just added more salt to his wounds. Looks like he really wouldn't be seeing Otabek tonight.

Yuuri interrupted him from his train of thought. "Well, um, I should get going then," he said. "See you later!" He waved at Yuri once more before turning around to leave the alley.

Yuri didn't reply as Yuuri began to walk away. He was too busy thinking about his friend who he was probably a little too attracted to, and what could be between them.

He had told himself he was happy with the way things were going between him and Otabek. Even though they never really talked about more than figure skating, they were friends through and through. He told himself that he wouldn't have it any other way, because what they shared was way better than whatever Victor and the pig had between them. Yuri and Otabek weren't gross. They weren't sappy, and they didn't make fools out of themselves on the ice. They didn't do embarrassing shit like kissing each other's skates on international television or flaunting off their shiny, disgusting engagement rings for the world to see. All they needed was a thumbs up, a simple gesture to show they meant something to each other.

But there was one thing his least favorite figure skating duo had over him and Otabek: they actually got together. How the pig managed to land Victor Nikiforov out of all people, he would never know. He must've worked some kind of Japanese sorcery on the man or something.

An epiphany sprang into Yuri's head. It was a completely ridiculous one, but it was an epiphany nonetheless.

"Wait!" Yuri shouted.

Yuuri turned around, face filled with confusion. "Huh?"

"If... If I wanted to take Otabek out somewhere special, where should I take him?" Yuri cringed as he listened to the words flow out of his mouth.

But if there was anyone who could help him get the ball rolling with him and Otabek, it was the pig.

Yuuri's eyes widened. "Wait, are you asking me for advice?"

Yuri cringed even harder. He would never admit he was asking for advice, let alone love advice. The thought alone made him want to vomit, because Yuuri would inevitably tell Victor, and then Victor would relentlessly tease poor little Yurio about being inept in the art of love. Yuuri would join in on the teasing without even realizing it because that was just the way Victor's charm worked on him.

_No_ , he thought. He would play it cool. He'd pretend like it was a friend outing, nothing more. They could become a thing in the future, but they needed to start hanging out more first.

"Don't be stupid! Of course not!" he spat. He let out a sigh, preparing to give up his dignity. "It's just... I didn't actually ask Otabek out yet," he said. He quickly added, "as friends, I mean." He paused, deeply breathing before continuing again. "And you came to Russia for the first time not too long ago. I know Victor dragged you all over the place, so you'd know the best spots better than anyone."

Yuuri paused; Yuri couldn't read the expression on his face. But soon enough, Yuuri began to smile that goofy smile once again, probably because he realized Yuri was full of it. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?" he said, free from judgment. "I'd be glad to help."

Yuuri told Yuri about every single place Victor took him to when he first came to St. Petersburg in excruciating detail. They did all of the usual touristy stuff, such as visiting landmarks like the Church of the Savior on Blood and the Winter Palace. God knows why, but Victor made Yuuri take selfies with his new, obnoxious selfie stick at each destination. Even though he had been living there for _years_. Then Yuuri recalled how Victor took him ice skating at the park, lifting him up in the air when no one was looking and laughing when he squealed in embarrassment. They also went shopping at the local markets, where Victor bought so many snacks for them that Yuuri swore he gained five pounds at the end of the day. _Of course he would stuff them down_ , Yuri thought. He was such a pushover.

Yuri could feel himself getting sicker by the second, listening to Yuuri recount his disgusting, mushy dates with Victor. They really were the grossest couple alive.

It was inevitable that he would finally snap.

"DAMN IT, PORK CUTLET BOWL!" He shoved the phone into Yuuri's hands. If he actually had to suggest these things to Otabek himself, he might actually vomit.

Yuuri blinked. "Yurio? Why are you giving me your phone?"

"Just ask Otabek yourself! I'm already sick of hearing of Victor's bullshit!"

"Oh, o-okay..." Yuuri looked at the phone in his hands, turning it on and reading through Otabek's latest messages. After thinking for a few moments, he began typing away, a determined look on his face.

Yuri felt his stomach churn as soon as he saw Yuuri beginning to type. He didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling that the pig was going to fuck everything up.

Yuuri tapped the phone one last time with his index finger, sending off the message to Otabek. "Aaaaand done!" he said, handing the phone back to Yuri.

Yuri snatched the phone away, instantly flipping to his messages to see the damage the pig had done. When he saw what Yuuri had written, he wanted to die. But even more than that, he wanted to fucking _murder_ him.

 

**[11:41] Me:** me too otabek!!! i can't wait to spend time with you! ≧◡≦

**[11:42] Me:** but we should go out tonight! the pork cutlet bowl recommended a bunch of places we can go to together! ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ we can visit the winter palace! and shop at the markets together! oh and let's go ice skating together too!

 

Yuri should've listened to his gut. He shouldn't have had so much trust in the pig. He should've had just a little more patience in listening to Yuuri's stories. Otherwise, he wouldn't want to be kicking himself right now.

"What the _hell_ is _this_ ," he stated. He glanced back at the screen, looking at the cute emoticons next to his name. "And what are these weird ass faces?!"

"I asked him to go out with you, just like you asked," Yuuri said.

_Yes, I can clearly see that_ , Yuri thought. That wasn't the issue. The real problem was that Yuuri made him look as deranged as the meowing girls from the Yuri Angels fanclub.

"This doesn't sound anything like me!" Yuri shouted.

"Seriously?" Yuuri asked. "I even called myself a pork cutlet bowl..."

Yuri wanted to hit something.

"Well, you got that right," Yuri said dryly. He stomped his foot on the floor. "But now I sound like a complete loser!"

Yuuri scratched his head. "Heh..." was the only response that could come out of his fat fucking mouth.

Yuri felt his phone buzz again. He winced as he turned it on, checking to see what Otabek had sent.

 

**[11:44] Otabek:** Yuri, are you feeling okay?

 

_Of course_ , he thought. He wasn't expecting any other reply.

He turned to Yuuri, eyes filled with rage. Okay, maybe rage was too strong of a word. It was more like annoyance. "This is all your fault, Pork Cutlet Bowl," he said plainly. "Otabek thinks there's something wrong with me!"

He shoved the phone into Yuuri's face, showing him what Otabek had written. Yuuri's face became dejected as soon as he realized what it was.

"Yurio... Oh God, I'm so sorry."

Yuri frowned. "Now I have to do damage control because of you," he said. He brought the phone back into his own view, typing up a (normal) response to Otabek.

 

**[11:45] Me:** ya im just really excited to see you again

 

After Yuri hit "send," he thought about whether that was all he wanted to say. Did Otabek still think he wanted them to go out tonight? Yuri typed up another message, sending it off as quickly as he did the first one.

 

**[11:45] Me:** but i mean it. we should go out

 

He shut his phone off and stuffed it back into his pocket. Hopefully this time the message would get through.

"I'm so sorry, Yurio," Yuuri said, as if apologizing again would make the situation better.

Yuri looked up at him. He really _did_ look like he felt horrible about the whole thing. Yuri sighed. "It's fine. You were just trying to help."

Some of the tension eased up on Yuuri's face after his apology was accepted. He gave Yuri a small smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think Otabek thinks there's anything wrong with you," he said.

Yuri scoffed. "Hmph. Easy for you to say."

"I mean it," Yuuri said. He looked more serious than before. "You're Yuri Plisetsky, figure skating prodigy. You're the youngest winner of the Grand Prix Final! In history! How could anyone think you're _not_ amazing?" Yuri felt his heart flutter a little upon hearing those words. Yuuri continued. "And plus, I think you're pretty cool, if that counts for anything. I have no doubt that Otabek thinks the same."

Yuri allowed himself to smile the tiniest of smiles. Yuuri may have been a stupid pig, but he certainly knew how to make him feel better when it counted.

"Thanks, Pork Cutlet Bowl."

Yuri felt the phone in his pocket buzz once again. With a little more reassurance than before, he turned it on to see what Otabek had texted in response.

 

**[11:49] Otabek:** Forgive me if I interpreted your response incorrectly. But are asking me out on a date?

 

Yuri's jaw dropped. "WHAT THE FUCK."

Yuuri hesitated, letting his mouth stay open for a moment before finally saying something. "Um... Is everything okay?" he asked.

"OTABEK THINKS I ASKED HIM OUT ON A FUCKING DATE." Yuri practically smothered the phone in Yuuri's face, impatient to show him the new text.

Yuuri's jaw dropped even lower than Yuri's when he saw the text for himself. "HUH?!"

Yuri couldn't believe this was happening. He had the perfect plan to kickstart his friendship-that-would-hopefully-turn-into-a-relationship with Otabek, and the pig had to go and ruin everything. What part of that message said they were going to go out as just friends? The answer was "no part."

He glared at Yuuri. "This is all YOUR doing. Fix it, Pork Cutlet Bowl!"

Yuuri panicked. "Okay, okay! I can fix this," he said, grabbing the phone out of Yuri's hands. He opened up the message thread, thumbs hovering over the screen, trying to think of an acceptable response. "I'll... I'll just tell him you didn't mean it!"

Yuri balked at Yuuri's suggestion. "What?! Stop! Give me that!" He snatched the phone back from Yuuri, staring at the message thread once again. He breathed in, then breathed out deeply. "I... I need to reply to him myself."

Yuuri froze. He lay there speechless, jaw open, as the wheels in his head started turning. He blurted out what he was thinking before realizing the consequences.

"Wait. Do you _want_ it to be a date?"

Yuri wanted to die.

"NO!" he instantly replied. But the pig was right. He really did want his outing with Otabek to be a date. He just never thought they could bypass the whole let's-become-closer-friends-first stage and jump straight into the dating stage. Not in his wildest dreams.

Yuri's brain short-circuited.

"I... I have to go!" he shouted.

Yuri dashed out of the alley, running until he returned to the front of the building. He threw his head over his shoulder, checking to see that Yuuri hadn't followed him out there. Once he was certain he was alone, he opened his phone again, typing out his response to Otabek's question as discreetly as he could. There was no way he was going to let the pig know what he would write. He looked over the message one last time before hitting "send."

 

**[11:52] Me:** yes

 

\---

Later that night, after Yuri walked Otabek back to his hotel room and received a surprise good night kiss in reply, he silently thanked Yuuri for sending that ridiculous text. It was no surprise he thanked him because he had just gone on the best (and only) first date he's ever had. But Yuri would never tell him that. He'd rather give up figure skating altogether than let Yuuri know that he was the direct cause for the one of the greatest nights he's had in his short sixteen years of life.

After all, he was just a stupid pork cutlet bowl.

**Author's Note:**

> Because this fandom needs more Yuuri/Yurio friendship fics. (hint: you should write some too!)
> 
> [tumblr](http://courtto.tumblr.com/)


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